Written by: Steve Barker - I am Enough Coaching
Blog #3 of 6
The whole world is not out to get you:
One of the things that I have learnt over the years is that the world really doesn't care about what I do, who I am or where I hang out. When I say the world, I am talking on a global scale, not the people who know me in the world. When I am walking down the street or going into a shop, the world (general population in the vicinity at the time) don't even give me a second look. Yet for years and years I was concerned with who I was, what I looked like, did I fit in, and did I belong? So a question for you is; do you think the world (in general) worries about what you do? I am pretty sure when you think about the whole world the answer will be no. So if that is the case, why are you worrying about it? What is the ripple effect of you constantly worrying about what everyone thinks of you? I would hazard a guess to say that it is a waste of time and effort on your behalf and that you can use your time and energy in a much more constructive way.
So carrying on, I was having a discussion with an older friend and they said that I needed to take control of my environment, who I was, where I was going, my thoughts, my actions and that would help me lose this fear of not belonging, of not being enough. So I did, I started to take control of everything in my life. When I say everything, I mean everything, the questions I asked myself in my head, the actions I took, the thoughts that I had, the decisions I made, the impact of those decisions, my environment, my happiness, my anger, the outcomes of my actions and the subsequent consequences of those actions. I mean I took control of everything.
As I started to take control, I found that I was getting more done, I was actually not caring about the rest of the world’s opinion of me. I had decided on my 4 core values and the standards I had around those core values, and I was not going to let them slip for any reason. Now I had decided that and was actively following through, I knew “I was Enough” for the world, so I didn't have to worry about the world’s reaction. What are your core values and standards that you have, maybe if you can’t think of them straight away, grab a pen and paper and start to right down what is really important to you. As you form you list, go back and review each one and give it a score of 1 – 10 (10 being the most important). From that list you will then start to see a pattern forming and the high scoring values and standards are what you hold highest in your world, the 4 highest are your core values and standards. Now you know those, you can look at how you are living your life in accordance with them. The ripple effect is that if you live within your core values and standards, you are more likely to be at peace with yourself, and to be able to achieve much more, because you are not constantly fighting with yourself over a clash between your values and standards. Awareness is the key.
Keeping going with the story, I also noted that my life was changing, I was not judging people.....ahhhhhh judging people....was that why I was feeling judged? bingo!!! I realised that as I was judging others, so I felt I was being judged, my behaviour was being reflected back upon myself. So when I stopped, that behaviour stopped and so did the reflection (I hope you are keeping up with me, please message me if this is making no sense at all and I will try to explain in a different way). Wow, what a discovery I had made, and one that would ultimately change the rest of my life.
Why am I sharing this experience with you? Because I have walked my fair share of dark streets, I have lived with Cumulative Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) (which I got from serving the in military), for over 20 years now, and learnt that mindset is the most positive thing in life. I work with people who are struggling to change their lives, they are frustrated with their situations and want to change but don't know how. The very first thing I look at with them, together, is are they taking responsibility for their own lives? Are they driving their own bus, or are they a passenger? Because if you are a passenger, then you are going to get taken wherever the bus driver wants to go, even if you don't want to go there. Become the bus driver and you can go wherever you want. My final question to you today is: are you driving your own bus or are you a passenger? The ripple effect from taking responsibility for every aspect of your life is that you are ultimately in control of your life. Because of this, and that you are responsible for everything within your life, you can now choose what to do in your life. If you make wise choices you can have the best life possible, but if you make poor choices, your life will be very different. What is a good choice and a bad choice I hear you ask? Well, that is the beauty of driving your own bus….only you know what is best for you.
Decide that today is the day that you are going to start taking responsibility for everything in your life. Then, take massive action to do just that. This is not something that will happen overnight, but over a period of time, you will develop the muscles, mindset and strategies to achieve this, and your life will be your own. You can drive your bus wherever you wish. Now imagine, where you could go with that personal power within you? ” You are Enough.”
The whole world is not out to get you: