5 – Shame the life changing emotion
This is one of the most powerful emotions aside from Love. Love will always have the greatest power in any moment and any part of life.
Shame however is still a very strong emotion. It can hold you in one place, or hide you from fully experiencing life. Shame is also an emotion that so many constantly avoid trying to feel, because it simply does not feel good in the negative side of it. Add to that you also live in a world that is desperately trying to accept and tolerate so you can be politically correct, which means that you can ignore the very emotion that can actually help you feel good in all parts of your life.
Shame is our moral compass, helps you make choices, decisions that feel right to you. However being in a world that focuses more on the outside, what things look like, means that many are always looking to shame others. This is also a simple instinct of shame to make themselves feel better, because if others are doing things to be shamed for then what they are doing must be ok. This becomes a continuous negative shame cycle.
You can break this cycle and use Shame for its purpose. Using it to your benefit without having to bring others down with you.
First let us look at some of the ways that shame can affect you whilst blaming another emotion. In the last blog about Fear I mentioned public speaking and the ‘fear’ actually being more related to another emotion.
That emotion is Shame.
Some parts of what you would feel when Public Speaking are absolutely fear, remember it helps you stay focused to what is important to you. The other parts are Shame. If public speaking is something you are not comfortable about then to take a moment to think about some of the thoughts that go on in your head.
Are they something like this…….
What will they think of me?
What would happen if I fell over?
They will laugh or think badly of me if forget my words or make a mistake?
Do I look ok?
Do I sound ok?
Am I making sense?
Take another look over the above questions? These are all shame related feelings. They are all based on what others think about you and the choices you have made around your clothes, words you are speaking, how you look or sound. None of them have anything to you do with you and how you feel about you, the confidence in your words, how you feel in your clothes. They are all focused of what others think, right?
You may be able to relate this to something else you have always blamed on fear. Have you got something that you now know is shame based and nothing to do with fear, or very little to do with it.
What have you let shame hide you from or hold you in?
Now you can turn it all around. Shame is beautiful emotion that consistently helps you makes choices that you feel good about. It is not about anyone else, only YOU. This is Shames sole purpose, for you to feel good.
Shames Question – Do I feel good about my choice?
When used to your benefit this emotion will have a massive impact on your life and the lives of those around you. The awareness and freedom it gives you is enormous. When you make a choices that feel good to you, it will create a lifetime of wonderful learning. When you make a choice through shame that feels good to you, it will stay with you well beyond the choice and you will always look to make those feel good choices. When you make a choice that may feel good or ok at the time but after does not feel good to you, it will stay with you in a negative space and will warp your view on you, your brain will create a story on how bad you are or even worse, not deserving of good things. Take small steps, focus on what feels good and you will turn this around. You must listen to your feelings and follow them.
So simple and easy, that it will continually have a positive impact in your life. Whether it is about your health, the food you choose to eat, the actions that you take, the words you choose to speak and most importantly how you want to feel.
The choice now for you is simple, feeling bad then change direction or feeling good then keep going!
Next and certainly not least is Love. The most power emotion, it does have highs and lows, however I will show you the constant state that is simple and easy to be in.
Thank you and please remember – BE YOU and FEEL GOOD,